an orc is an orc of course of course, unless that orc can talk of course

[reverancepavane]

Something I just read reminded me of an encounter between a human paladin, Sir Aster, and some twenty or so orcs. The paladin didn't want to fight as he was rather outnumbered and there were too many innocent civilians around that he and his squire would be unable to protect if it came to pitched battle. So in desperation he challenged the leader of the orcs to a duel of champions, and was surprised when the orc agreed, even though it was not that unusual amongst orcs (but more so when both sides are reasonably well matched). Although surprise gave way to consternation when the orc said that it would be unfair to fight someone with all that magic armour, so they should do it mano-a-orco, with no armour or weapons. Still seeing no solution, the paladin agreed, and stripped to his padding, whilst the orc stripped to his loincloth. Now the paladin was quite an impressive specimen, but the orc overtopped him by about a head and was built like the proverbial brick out-house. Before the fight started they negotiated the wager to be settled by the fight. The paladin managed to get the terms he wanted - mainly that win or lose, the civilians would be unharmed, although, if he lost, he would be the orc's prisoner for ransom. The orc, in a show of apparent bravado, offered the same terms, that the orcs would be his prisoner if they lost. So they face off between the two sides began. The paladin prayed to his god and swung a haymaker at the orc's chin - and nearly broke his hand. Cradling his hurt hand, the paladin watched the orc just stand there ... and then slowly topple over, hitting the ground like a sack of bricks. A win by TKO. Amazing The orc's second in command came up to the amazed paladin and dropped his weapons before him, saying "Wows! Zat's sum right hook ya got there. No ways we's could compete with dat. We's all of uz your prisoners now. We's surrender. Right! We is prizoners nowl and expect to be treated akordin to dat Genevieve Konvention." The paladin nodded in stunned surprise. The orc, whose name was later to be determined to be Tolrend, turned to the surrounding brush and yelled out. "OK geyz! We's iz prizoners now of dis paladin fellow. You cans come out now." And the brush slowly disgorged a motley troop of about a hundred half-starved orcs, mainly females and the young and the very old, in addition to the twenty or so warriors the paladin had met on the road. "We iz awl yourz prizoners nowl. I go wake up Gorbash." He went over to the recumbent Gorbash and lightly prodded his foot. "Git up Gorbash! U failed! Fancy a puny ooman beating you like dat. Da gods reely must favour im. We iz hiz prizoners nowl." Gorbash sat up and put a hand to his head (the other side from that which the paladin hit). "Da godz must not be pleezed with uz. We iz prizoners nowl. Oh dearz." He looked around. "So, win do wez eat. Ya got to feed prizoners you noh." Eventually Sir Aster settled the orcs on a vacant village on the estates of his father. But the orcs insisted all the time that they were his "prizoners" and would accept no paroles, no matter how hard Sir Aster tried. They even, provided the paladin with a suitable bodyguard, insisting that since he beat their chief he deserved one. So the rest of his career as a paladin Sir Aster had to keep explaining that "he really was a paladin, honest," despite the half-a-dozen orcs usually in attendance. He eventually ended his life with the firm believe that orcs were irredeemably evil for what they had done to him.

Comments

[derigueur.livejournal.com]

Brilliant!

I think I'll yoink that idea for a game sometime!

[reverancepavane.livejournal.com]

Feel free. Paladins, if played properly, rather than fanatic crusaders, can be so much fun. Especially in a game without direct divine intervention. In a friend's game, a paladin was awarded a duchy for service to the kingdom. The slight fact that the kingdom hadn't controlled the duchy for about two centuries, the castle was half in ruins and infested with monsters, and the King was expecting the appropriate taxes and levies, didn't phase him. An orc turning up on his doorstep and claiming to be his forester did. Well, technically I was a half-orc, but I was a ranger. And good (once he stopped trying to attack me to actually check what I said). Of course this stoic man of the wilderness was a bit much. I much preferred the comforts of a warm fire and a pint or three. It was the old lazy/intelligent (me) versus energetic/stupid (the paladin). He and his side-kick would go charging in, and I'd usually use the distraction to casually amble in (sneaking usually wasn't necessary with all that plate armour clanging) and solve the problem. Everybody had lots of fun. Then again, it was a campaign were a dwarf PC had a flying carpet remnant (because that's all he needed/could afford).

[maelorin]

ah. be careful what you wish for, eh. ;)

[reverancepavane.livejournal.com]

I do have to admit that civilization had a massively corrupting effect on the poor unsophisticated orcs in my games, especially the few that were smart enough to work out how it all worked. While most orcs were your typical hard-living barbarian warriors dwelling on the fringes of civilization and vainly attempting to resist the expansion of aforementioned civilization (or working as cheap mercenaries), there were a few geniuses amongst them that could deal with more abstract concepts than the average orc. Some of these became famous orc generals, but many of them realised "fightin woz a mug's game" and turned into infamous rogues (along the lines of used chariot salesmen, rather than the character class).

[little-carrot.livejournal.com]

Ha! I am remind of the time I ended up with a troop of worshipful kobolds following me around.

[reverancepavane.livejournal.com]

Kobolds are like that. Comes from being the smallest of the "goblinoid" races. I'm also rather fond of kobolds. In honour of Brian Asbury's regular column in Underworld Oracle (a very early UK APA), the highest level NPC in my campaign was actually a kobold. Who was also a paladin, defending the weak and downtrodden (something a kobold has experience with). Quite amusing, especially when ignorant fighters expecting to sweep through hordes of partial hit die creatures went "clang" on meeting him. At least one casual player was flabbergasted when he discovered a "monster" had character levels, and thought it quite unfair (any intelligent species in my games can be non-rabble (the term for a levelled character), although some are more likely than others... The title of the column, incidentally, was The incredible 30th level kobold.

[shadow-5tails.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like it. *grin*