Motley Is A Fool's Uniform

For the decade or so during which I was a freelance rocket scientist ("Will design satellites for food") I would often appear on SF convention panels surrounded by authors. When asked to introduce myself, I would explain that I, too, wrote both science fiction and fantasy, with the science fiction generally being titled "Technical Proposal" and the fantasy titled "Budget Proposal".

– Jordin Kare, Ansible 264

This would have to be one of my favourite rules in a boardgame, probably surpassing the game rules for strategic nuclear war in SPI's WWIII*. This little gem comes from Pandemic [a game where players (mostly) play agents of the CDC trying to stop the spread of diseases across the world].

And the rule: "The Bio-Terrorist may taunt the other players on his turn..."

* [23.411] Soak map in lighter fluid.
[23.412] Apply match.

Socializing is forging new links between yourself and your fellows. When humans gather, they confirm their place as part of a world-spanning living organism that treasures and loves each part of itself. Parties are therefore sacred rites, offerings to a greater power.

The best parties inevitably end in human sacrifice. Bring your own body.

– Anselm Markoff,
London Death Cults

Do the esteemed few who are joining me at the Singing Gallery this Saturday have requests for supper or shall I just bring catch as catch can? And can rowlirowl email me details of our meeting on that day.

"Don't worry. It will be over soon.

<checks watch>

"There's only a month left to dawn."

This is exactly the thing you don't want to hear when you suddenly discover you are a police officer facing a horde of drugged-out teenage vampires.*

Frostbite is a fun Swedish movie with excellent vampire disintegration effects, is heavy on gore (including the infamous "goth vampire killed by garden gnome" – actual true death probably from intense embarrassment rather than pure impalement), but rather light on story. It also harkens back to the more traditional portrayal of the vampire as walking dead, so it could easily be confused with being a zombie movie. Not that anyone is actually complaining, mind you. Now where did I leave my copy of All Flesh Must Be Eaten?

Although, I still think I currently prefer Young Dracula at the moment, mainly for Imogen wanting to be the Vampire Queen of Total Evilness (in what is a decidedly patriarchal society). Plus she has the most magnificent blue eyes...

* in this circumstance, on later reflection, the vampire bit of this phrase is probably completely optional.

"Pain is such a primitive concept," I reply cavalierly. "I prefer to think of it as my neurons battling evil in another dimension."

She looks at me strangely, almost quizzically.

"Oh dear," I think. "Now I'll either be sectioned, or worse still, have to attempt to explain my obscure sense of humour."

But then she smiles and says "I loved that movie when I was younger."

"An educated doctor," I disclaim. "Will wonders never cease!"

"Just for that, I'm using a bigger needle..."

Maybe I should have stopped before we reached the Frontier.

Whilst I have continued to collect these quotations, there is now less of a public forum in which to display them for the edification of others. After all, I have not the wit or desire to elocute them to my friends in person; I bore them to tears already without adding such tripe to their diet. Instead I have decided that I shall occaisionally cast them forth upon the waters of this journal, under an appropriate cut, both to prevent eyestrain to those uninterested in such things and to prevent any possible spoilage of the story for those who have yet to enjoy it (although one will endeavour to avoid posting any quote that reveals an important spoiler in any case). I shall not even thinly veil it as a book review, save that you can assume that I found the book enjoyable enough to read and that it conatined a quote of sufficient quality. No other warranty is asserted or implied. Caveat lector.

It begins.

( Dead Beat by Jim Butcher )

[1] For a given value of literature.