multiple choice answers

[reverancepavane]

Because whiteadelphi asked nicely, I've rescued my answers to the last time I answered the 36 Questions meme from someone else's journal. The answers have probably changed. But who cares. 01. Can you cook? I used to do so occasionally, but am probably out of practice. I generally only cook for others. For myself, I just prepare food. Although I am feeling the urge to do the dinner party thing again. Although if I go and lie down, it will probably go away. Besides, I need another 293 place settings for that recipe for roast camel (stuffed with sheep, chicken, rice, and almonds) to be of any use. 02. What was your dream growing up? Evil Galactic Overlord. Why sweat the small stuff. 03. What talent do you wish you had? I'm reliably informed that the ability to sing might be useful in my case. At the moment my singing ability has best been described as fit to make brave men faint in shock and women scream in fear. Pity. I like to do it in the shower. At least it kills the cockroaches. 04. If I bought you a drink what would it be? Lakka (Finnish cloudberry liqueur) is always a choice that is well appreciated. Although I was quite pleased by the bottle of Scarlet Liqueur Mead that I was recently given. I truly appreciated the spirit of the gift. 05. Favorite vegetable? For eating: leeks and potatoes. For looking at: orchids. For climbing: trees. It's important not to mix the catagouries up. Attempting to climb a leek or eat a tree is a rather embarrasing experience. Trust me on this. 06. What was the last book you read? The Man with the Golden Torc by Simon R Green. The first book of his new Secret History series. Definitely doesn't have the same level of quality as his previous books, although maybe he hasn't quite found his comedic voice yet. It comes across mainly as a poor man's Nick Pollotta (aka Jack Hopkins aka...). 07. What zodiac sign are you? Wood Snake. But I also could be considered to be a Gemini (almost a Cancer too). Definitely have the standard attributes of both signs. My natal horoscope is nicely symmetrical and triangular, which I'm told explains a lot. 08. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Only a scar from a misplaced sword thrust when I was younger. It's a kind of a piercing... 09. Worst habit? Haven't thought about this much. Probably the Carmelites, although the Franciscan Orders are also a possibility. Very dowdy. The Dominican Annunciation probably has the best habits (well, apart from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence if you are into that sort of thing). 10. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? Is this journal rated for adult content? 11. What is your favorite sport? The ones with two heads. We are talking about mutants here, aren't we? And not the pretty ones with blue skin and superpowers, either, dangnamit! 12. Negative or optimistic attitude? ["Fly inverted. It confuses the hell out of the ducks." (An old pilot saying)] Realist. (Rhymes with "cynic"; also "orange" and "silver"). Although I like to be optimistic, with thoughts like "maybe we will be eaten by alligators before we die of starvation in this swamp." 13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Avoid direct eye contact. Back slowly away without making any sudden moves which would send you into a brain eating frenzy. Of course, I'm making the assumption that you are a zombie here. Not a particularly unwarranted in this scenario, if I do say so myself. One of us is and it's not m... BWAAAAINNNNSSSSS!!!! 14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? I've attended far too many funerals, me thinks. Falling in love is also pretty bad as well. Having your heart ripped out of your body really sucks. Maybe I should stop dating Aztecs. 15. Tell me one weird fact about you. They are all weird facts, my dear. And some are more apocryphal than others. Hmmmm. How about: "I always lie." 16. Do you have any pets? Not any more. Not since the last dinner party anyway. And they still haven't found out where Rex buried the bodies. Bad Rex. Never try to teach a dinosaur to fetch. It' not a pretty sight. 17. What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? See question 18. 18. What was your first impression of me? I haven't made one yet. I need to get a big vat of plaster first. And you need to show up unexpectedly at my house. Which you haven't done. How inconsiderate is that! You could have not called ahead, you know. Just for that, no impressions of you! [Except for really bad ones on syndicated late-night comedy shows.] 19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Neither. A bit pathetic, all things considered. 20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I'd probably like to be thinner. Been far too sedentary recently and my weight has shot up dramatically. <sigh> Hey! That was a serious answer. I must be slipping. 21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Your conscientious partner in crime, perhaps .... revolutionaries striking a blow against the corrupt authoritarian heirarchy of lies and disinformation that pervades our current existence ... robbing the rich to give to the poor .... or maybe we could become politicians together and rob the poor to give to the rich. But then you wouldn't need a conscience, and I'd be left silently weeping in the gutter... 22. What color eyes do you have? They change according to my mood, from black (deeply emotional) to bright blue (somebody's about to get really hurt). They usually hover around hazel however. Probably because she's cute and I have levitating eyeballs. See! Another weird thing about me. 23. Ever been arrested? Arrested by the sight of your beauty as you majestically sweep into a room, inspiring awe and reverence in all in your path – yes. Arrested by a wire on an aircraft carrier whilst landing in a storm – yes. Arrested by a really cute police woman and getting "distracted" on the way to the station and being released for "bad behaviour" – sadly, no. But I suppose I have to keep trying. 24. Bottle or draft? Bottled Djinn vs Free-Range Djinn? Hmmmm. I think I prefer free range, unless they all look like Barbara Eden, in which case I could probably be convinced as to the utility of the bottled variety. But knowing my luck, it will look like Rex Ingram. And if, on the off-chance your question concerned that alcoholic beverage commonly termed "beer," my heartfelt opinion is that it can probably best be poured back into the horse or cat it originally came from. Although Cider is now available both bottled and on tap, so it's not all bad. 25. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? I'd probably hold a proper (ie very improper) Midsummer Night Masquerade at My Country Estate. But I'd have to get the hedge maze growing first for people to get "lost" in. And I know I'd get absolutely carried away and have to populate with a minotaur. Just for the entertainment value, of course, for the crowd on the balcony. 26. Would you date me? I'd try, but unfortuneately carbon dating only works when you are dead. And has an error of about +/-50 years, anyway. And since I have no idea of the background radiation you might have been exposed to, Thermo-Luminescent Dosimetry is probably out. And while certain of my friends swear that the best way to date someone is to saw them in half and count the rings, putting you back together again afterwards is probably beyond my ability as an amateur stage magician. Although my last assistant, Theresa, doesn't need to a mirror to answer the question of "does my butt look big in this" any more, so there may by unforeseen consolations. 27. Where's your favorite place to hang out? I'd say the gallows, but the last time I tried that the rope broke three times. Occaisionally on the street when I've dressed in a hurry or been forced to leap from my paramour's bedroom because her father has just come home. 28. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. But we are using the same word to describe different things, so ... no. 29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Spare ... time? Spare. Time. What an intriguing concept! I'm sure it will catch on any time now. After all, 28 hours a day is just not enough time to get everything done. 30. Do you swear a lot? I try not to. Sometimes I use the french "merde" when something unexpected or calamitous happens. Although I sometimes forget to translate it. 31. Biggest pet peeve? I told you, the council demanded I get rid of all my pets. They were eating too many of the neighbours. Admittedly they were rather peeved, so I suppose this counts. That's the last time I try to breed shoggoths in my bathtub. They eat the enamel, you know. 32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Flocci­nauci­nihili­pili­fication. But only because I can't think of a valid reason for using either "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" or "antidisestablishmentarianism" as answers to this question. [What a poor on-line dictionary I have. It only recognised "antidisestablishmentarianism" as a word. Although it does have my picture under the heading "Chaotic," so it's probably not too bad. Admittedly, I stuck it in there with crazy glue. Which is not a good thing to use on an on-line dictionary. It gums up the interwebby tubey things.] 33. Do you believe in/appreciate romance? I have been accused of living and breathing romance. One tries to maintain a proper chivalric attachment to the art of Fine Amor in these unsophisticated and uncaring times. I've even been known to cry in soppy romantic movies. [<shock> <horror> Dust in my eyes, honestly.] Unfortunately, while the Art of Romance is not dead, it may be on life support in these modern times. Actually I like to think it's probably the dominant reason why I spectacularly unsuccessful at attracting a partner, but have an awful lot of female friends. [Yes, I know current parlance has "awesome" as the proper use in this case, but I personally appreciate the double-meaning inherent in the use of the older form. I'm also artificial and pompous (at least according to 16th Century dictionaries).] Meanwhile I shall just pitch my tent at the crossroads, willing to challenge all comers to break a lance or three, so that tales of my martial prowess can reach my beloved and soften her heart towards me. [And what do you mean by saying "you really read far too much Arthurian Romance whilst growing up, didn't you?"] 34. If you could spend 12 hours with me and ask/do anything you like, what would it be? If I could do anything I like I'd create a large number pocket universes, each with their own life and cultures. Unfortuneately, while doing so, I couldn't give you the attention you truly deserve, because I'd have to be working at least 12 times faster than the last recorded incident of World creation (held my a Mr T. Pratchett, of 13 Everett Lane, Lower Stoking-on-Kent, UK). Which would truly be a waste of our time together, methinks. Of course, if I could do anything then I could make that 12 hours seem like an eternity. Actually, I probably don't have to have any superpowers to manage that, come to think of it... 35. Do you believe in God? If you mean God, then no. If you mean god, then maybe. I definitely believe in Goddesses though (I have two of them, you know). [I have to say that, btw, or they will make my life a truly interesting experience. I have great faith in my religion. If I'm ever trapped against a cliff in the face of an advancing zombie horde and I've just run out of ammunition for my trusty revolver, then I know exactly who I have to blame for my current circumstance. Surprisingly, this removes a lot of uncertainty from my existence, and is therefore of great spiritual comfort.] 36. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same? Maybe. If you ask really nicely, or provide an adequate and artistic selection of blackmail photographs, I might just be willing to post this on my journal, or possibly even answer it with a shade less silliness than is my normal want or need. Oh well, I hope this was as informative for you as it was for me. All answers issued without warranty and void where prohibited by Natural Law. [It interferes with their Yogic Flying apparently.] Answers are also subject to change without notice and most of them have already done so.